I realize that 2007 is a non-election year, but we must hit the campaign trail early, if we are to have success, especially in Iowa, with the caucausses and all...
This year has been brief, yet monumental in many ways as we take a moment to breathe in this aura that is becoming a stepping stone as we eagles stray from the nest and prepare to spread our wings and take flight. I have contemplated many things in the past few weeks of '07 (the year of the Eagle...check your Chinese calender), and one moment sticks out. I was laying in bed late one night watching the World Series of Poker when it all hit me! I sat straight up and a nervous twitch came about me as one soul thought consumed me........."Do I have any toilet paper, cuz I gotta drop a deuce big enough to surely choke a medium-sized goat, and there's no time for a run to Wal-Mart!" (If you don't laugh at a subtle poop joke, leave now, as you have no place here)
So, now that that's out of the way, let me break it down like an open-toed sandal...Here's a shovel, hope ya can dig it!
Here is the list of viewpoints of, not a man, but an ideology:
• We already had jelly, so jam was pretty much a collective waste of everyone’s time
• Anyone else think its ironic that “Thou shalt not kill” is a Christian Commandment, yet more people have been killed in the name of God than for any other cause
• Showing up to a party with your beer in a plastic sack automatically means that you Fly a little higher
• At a party at the Casa de el Orchard back when I was a sophomore, my buddy from back home and I ordered Drew Asperson in a game of Asshole… “Take 5 drinks for wearing way too much brown”…I saw Drew last week at the bar…I could have “zinged” him again!!
• “Quinn the Eskimo” is a cool name for a pet, but not your daughter
• RIP Gerald Ford…the only man to serve as both VP and Pres, without actually being elected to either position
• I’ve never met Dean, but I picture him as Mean Gean, the announcer…
• Liquorice is really an edible straw
• Captain Crunch never served any time in the armed forces
• I want to move to Arizona and open a shop that makes screen t-shirts
• I still have the school’s 42” TV
• Flying Eagles should get customized matchbooks
• Meth is a hell of a drug
• You can’t spell “Manslaughter” without “LAUGHTER”
• Chris Sabo was a beast on the hot corner
• Butter is way better than Margarine…I saw through the bullshit
• The “statue of liberty” is possibly the greatest trick play ever drawn up in football…except for maybe the “Annexation of Puerto Rico” from the movie Little Giants
• When will there ever be a Comedy Central special on the rise & decline of the great Chevy Chase
• If I ever get a job in a factory, I want to be the guy that is in charge of putting the ‘bop’ in the ‘bop-shoo-bop-sha-bop’…eventually working my way up to putting the ‘ram’ in the ‘ram-a-lamma-ding-dong’
• A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."
• If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
• If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
• Can you lace your shoes with heroin?
• It would have been a bad political move for Bill Clinton to name his dog Spot, cuz then he would be running around yelling, “Come Spot!” all the time.
• I hate it when John Madden says, “That hole was so big, you could’ve driven a truck through it!” when referring to the offensive line creating a huge hole for the running back…Honestly, I could drive a truck through a tiny hole, or through an area where there appeared to be no hole at all...ya know why, John? … Cuz I’m in a fuckin’ truck!!! That’s why!
• “Mortal Kombat” is an under respected piece of cinema
• A flute without any holes is not a flute, and a doughnut without any holes is a Danish
On a serious note, it is my firm belief that it is the random things that make life worth getting up in the morning (or afternoon). Life my have you "All In" with nothing but a 2/7 off-suit, but if I can make you crack that poker face by telling you that Wile E. Coyote's middle name is really Ethelbert, then you just might (for a second) not worry that the other guy is holding pocket Aces.
Every day I wake up, the first thing I do in the morning is put the "ME" in "AWESOME"
wide open in the flats,
s.dont
FORMAT:
Envy on the Coast
The Rapture
MAN MAN
