from the porch volume 1 week 7 (Bar Fight and somewhat fixed verision0

sorry for the late post but the librarian and i were out of town
(librarian infromed of many mistakes in this writing as far as grammar and spelling so i tried to fix it but it's thursday and no comments where did the TUD go)

So Easter weekend the librarian and i retreated back to her house in western iowa for dinner and family fun. We decided to go out with some of her friends to a bar call the big house. Just so you know the bar is named after a guy who's nickname is house becuase he is as big as a house. We settled into our seats and ordered some bud heavy bottles. Her friends and i started having a discussion about front butt and back boobs both terms i had to introduce to the table. In the back ground a really bad band was playing, and i mean bad because they had music stands up there and were reading the lyrics as they played and they were still screwing up every freaking song. We learned that the band is call danger kitty, one of the guy leans over and said to me "it should be shitty kitty" so the band was being called shitty kitty by our table.
A life long friend of hers show up and introduced him self. we qucikly do the formalities of what our jobs, and where are we orginally from. My senses quickly tell me this always going to be every girls good friend guy. He goes on and on about this girl at the bar a tall atractive blonde who he described has a 70's feel.(side note saying that she's atractive also revovles around the fact there are only four member of the oppiste sex in this place that a guy could pass off as a good move) After a good half hour proding from my self he finaly goes up and talks to her but look out we've caught a cock block in the way. our table goes into an immediate debate over whos going over to help out, when the other girl at our table gets up and goes in for the save. She not only gets the cock blocking guy's attention away from the blonde she also grabbed the blonde girls girl friend. By far the best cock block deflection i have ever seen. My friend with the new found confidence and open path still struck out but becuase the blonde has a b/f.(b/f was your a typical small town b/f collar green shirt and watching is girls every move just waiting to start a fight)
We settled into the night as shitty kitty butchered aboslutletly butchered a green day song it was getting to the point i was actually mad i was sitting there listening to them. I got up to go to the bath room and when i walked out i hear the comment "i'm the most reasonable guy i know" i looked over my shoulder and you guessed it green collared shirt talking to blonde g/f. I took my seat and annouced to the table it's about to go down. We all turned and looked just as blonde girl tried to walk away. Collared shirt forcefully grabs her arm and two guys step in to force him into the back of the bar. my thoughts, well the fun's over right, wrong green collared shirt's ex girlfriends mom pops up out of no where and grabbed the blonde who was holding back tears. theyed start screaming and saying things like if he was still wiht my daughter he wouldn't have to put up with yoru slutty ass.(Can't remember actaully quote ab libbing a little)
So two guys broke them up. one guy started dragging the now crying blonde girl toward the front of the bar. While the ex girl's mom went out the back door. mean while shitty kitty finally stopped playing which means one of my wishes for the night came true. As guy drug blonde toward front door, collared green shirt was lurking in the back with his tiny little brother in the bright orange shirt waiting for charge to the front. On the way to the front door some drunk wearing just green t-shirt accidently bumped the blonde girl. the guy draggin her took offence and quickly threw two quick jabs and connected with green t shirt in the face. I was thinking about time it's go time but some old guy grabbed green t-shirt dude and drug him out side.
Blonde and her knight and shinning armor stood up front and green collar shirt and little bro are cripping closer, green t-shirt was out side and god only knows were ex' girls mom was. In walked House all 400 and some odd pounds and tries to throw out dude who threw the punch. Dude who threw the punch replies "i'm not going anywhere you fat fucker" house replied "curly cue get out" now everyone was no longer holding any one back but instead they have went to save my own ass mode and started measuring up who's on whos side and clinching fist and posturing to throw a punch. Well to my dismay in came the only one still trying to stop the fight the brown shirt big boob bartender and she was trying to convince curly dude to leave while holding back house. i was thinking some one throw a punch and let's rumble.
Meanwhile green collar shit and little bro went out side to fight some one. half our table went to watch that and i stayed inside becuase i had to finish my beer. Some one walks in a yelled i'm calling the cops. No one moved. Finally house tried to sneak up on curly cue and curly cue saw him coming and rears back to throw a punch, brown shirt big boob bartender thought he is throwing a punch at her so she backed up and wham curly cue connects and knocked the bartender out, she fell and tables flipped punches our thrown as it started to stumble outside. the girl got trampled in the melee. I finally got up and follow the action outside and learned from our friends that green collar shirt was going to get laid out but little brother came to the rescue and knocked out two guys cutting them open one being green t shirt dude (tough night for him). it broke up pretty quickly outside but as green collar shirt guy and blonde got in the truck to leave up popped the crayz ex girl mom throwing punches until they get the door closed and can drive off.
Everyone left but the 8 or 10 in our group, we all stumlbed back into the bar, i tell the guy that got turned down, hey look on the bright side you avoided hooking up with the crazy chick. House finally meananders back into the bar and the drummer for shitty kitty comes over and say "so house wrap it up?" i burst out laughing

everything is a work in progress

jp