Moon over parma???

As some know I made my first visit anywhere East of Illinois about a week ago. Myself and side salad(coty) made the trip to Cleaveland to visit John for a couple of days. It was a long drive but bearable since it was split between two people.

-First things first every gas station/truck stop along the interstate has a pleathera of beef/turkey/pork jerky options. The wierd thing is no matter the size of the acctual store there is the same assortment of jerked choices(always taking up it's own isle). Is dried meat really that essential to staying up hours upon hours through the night, but I can't complain I did patronize the chewy stuff on two occasions(although I'm sure Coty would complain because out of two purchases of one jerky each time it probly took a total of thirty min. to decide, thats the real reason truckers never sleep they have to make up for lost time choosing beef jerky teriyaki or cajun pork, or the ever ellusive black pepper paired with a stick of co-jack.

-The first city/town we went through was Maumee, but that wasn't the best part because Maumee is located in wood county thats right WOOD, eventhough I'm past my pubescent years I could'nt help but day dream about the porn plot of a movie called "Maumee in Wood County" with a sequal "Mountmee in Wood County". Speaking of porn I watched a scene the other day that had me rolling. Not because of bad acting or even the inevitable eye pop shot with the knee-jerksesque head turn(by the way that always reminds me of JFK the movie "Back and to the left... Back and to the left"). This was funny because of a serious wardrobe mix up this scene takes place in the mid evil era and is entitled hurcules, all of the men wear loincloth and women in leaf outfits only one small confusion hurcules is wearing socks. now I'm not positive when the sock was first introduced but I'm almost positive ol' Hurk had none.

-Once we got to Johns house, which is now why I know exactly how crack dealers live. No furniture to speak of what so ever besides a chair and two beds, but also fifty inch plasma T.V. I felt just like Neno Brown it was cool. The best part of the trip hawever was going out to watch the Browns game at a bar, bar was nice(if it weren't for the three dollar beer specials, thats right I said SPECIALS!!!!) the girls were out everyone was in orange or brown(which is why they never win like god would ever let an orange and brown team be the best in any sport or any year. orange and blue ok Elway made it work, The Orangemen Boheim and his zone even got one. If you wear these colors your just beg'n for bad karma) but the browns were up 14 to 3 at halftime, and then slowly but surley did nothing else the rest of the game and watched Matt Stover hit a field goal with under a min left to win by one. Don't forget about that super bowl prediction made after week two Ravens, Bears is starting to look pretty good right now eh?

-So after yet another Cleaveland sports let down myself John and his brother staarted talking about the extint of Cleavelands let browns, I mean let downs, let downs my bad. And it was decided Cleaveland has every right to be more miserable than any other sports city. How many times did we see Elway crush the Browns or Ernest Byner, or MJ dangle the dollar in front of Ehlo, Price, Williams, Nance, Wilkinis and co. before they realized it was attatched to fishing line and yanked out of their pocket when they turned around. How many times did the Indians make it to the world series to piss themselves out of a ring, hell the only team the Braves beat for their ring was you guessed it, the Indians. The Braves were the Bills of baseball untill they faced Cleaveland. So I give the Cleaveland fans undaunting respect for taking the loses as the Cubs, and Sox fans did for years, but without the pussy pouting we heard from Chicago and Boston. Bears had '85, and White Sox in '05. While Patriots had the only football dynasty post '91-94 boys, and then Boston got one from the Sox in memorable fashon in '04. So, Cleaveland your hopes now rest on LeBron as long as he doesn't pull a Sam Bowe or even worse a, dare I say, Patrick Ewing. Don't hold your breath, cuz if you do, you'll end up holding your breath.

-And now for the biggest atrocity of the trip. No the year. It was determined about a week in advance that we would go to Lido's stip club on Mon. nite(no thats not a typo Lido's with a D not a T). After myself John and Coty pay the $5 cover we belly up to the bar for a $4 dollar beer. When Harmony click clacks over to ask "Which one is she with"? Coty and I respond in unison with, "him" as we point to John. so Harmony being the vet. that she is says "OK" and B-lines it to me, classic absolutly classic. So after that she asks me to buy her a beer, no prob I say and order another for her if only because that kind of honesty should be rewarded with a $4 dollar beer. Little did I know that girls get paid for people to buy them a drink total comes to $12, $4 for each beer and an extra $4 for her. Last time I maked that mistake $4 bucks for her to drink a beer next to me when I can get ghonarria for a dollar when she's on stage fuck that. So anyway back to the hidious'ness. I find out that John, the proposer of the FESC rule that each member should go to a strip club with at least one other member once a year. Has been to Lido's three times, two of which were with a FESC member, yet he did nothing but partake in the $4 dollar beer raping while he was there with a fellow member. Strange you ask? As did I. But it turns out both times a fellow FESC member was with him so was his Side Salad, coincidence? I think not, maybe John is entering into Whipped category and should start hanginh out with Wilkins a little more. Then after speaking with member Johnson who was with John his second time at Lido's, I find out niether him or John took advantage of the tits which were all around them. So out of three FESC members who have paid $5 cover and $4 dollar beer I am the sole member who has helped any worker there pay for school(or at least thats what they told me they were doing) this is a travesdy a sham and a mockary, you can finish the rest. Answer me this what would uncle Danny say???? Really.

- I need some Bill Walton jargon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Ohio State = Good, Iowa Hawks = Dsappointment(for their fans that is, to everyone else it's just comedy)

- Remember this no matter the education someone may or may not have, how nice their clothes are, or the amount of their salary, ignorance cannot hide. Charactor CAN trump stupidity, but NOTHING can refute ignorance.

- This weeks fantasy conundrum is at TE. Jason Witten, AT the Titans(he went to University of Tennesee)or Kelen Winslow V. Raiders. I went with the sentamental choice and took Witten, he scored 0 points and Winslow got 7. Goes to show the depth of the Raiders crappieness should never be underestimated.

- If you were the principal of any Elementary, Jr. high, or High school the very best hall monitors are the kids in wheel chairs, the have the walk/run envy any kids who pick up the pace too much, I garantee you'll know make, model, and color of shoes and laces to dispurse appropriate punishment. On the same note do you think a poker player would have an advantage if he had a physical deformity on his face? ie: hairlip, hidious birth mark or lazy eye. No one could read them cuz all he'd have to say is "What the fuck are you look'n at"? and act all pissed. "Oh nothing nothing, nice to meet your mole, I mean I was trying to get a read. Shit!! I fold".

- Song quote to remember
"I'll keep on starring,
shaved or hairy
cuz thats the type of fella that I am.

I'll pop that cherry
If it's necessary
somthin somthin somthin, jam"

It's a good one, thanks Zach.

- Now I've watched Kingpin a few times this past week and it may be the funniest movie ever. I love the pump and dump scene, priceless, other genious parts every time the hand gets touched there a faint squeak or noise, listen closely hilarious detail. It would be a crime if i didn't mention the milk your cow,er bulll scene. "it takes a little while to get warmed up, but then BAM all at once". Everyone should go buy it now and memorize it. And if you want to see a really good movie get "Big White" with Robin Williams and Woddy Harralson really really good.

-For any NBA fans i'm hoping to start a fantasy basketball league, all rules would be voted on by team owners we'll try to make it as low matinaince as possible so it will be easy for everyone to stick wit it the whole season. I'd liket to have a live draft with as many peaople present as possible, if not we'll have to do the via cell phone, any thoughts on when where are rules fell free to post, call, fax, or just page me.

-Wild Mann-

- If your wiping your ass and feel your finger break through the paper do you smell it???